A year ago today, I found myself at the hospital getting a D & C because our sweet child didn't make it to birth. Here is the post where I talked about the heartache of the miscarriage and the hope of the future.
And today, I cuddled our latest blessing. Taylor Elizabeth, who was born 10 days ago. God is good.
I was very thankful for a good pregnancy. Each pregnancy has had its unique experiences and this one slowed me down sooner, kept me nauseous longer, and dispersed the pounds to all the wonderful locations! As I have written before, we chose to forgo prenatal testing knowing our chances of having another child with Down syndrome is 1%, and that unless the ultrasound indicated a need for more information, we were all good with routine prenatal visits.
I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that my anxiety about the delivery of this baby was rising. I even had thoughts that I was not going to have the baby. The miscarriage was not something I had any control over, and it rattled me. Almost more than receiving an unexpected diagnosis. My thoughts, if left unrestrained, can play out scenarios I'd rather not experience. It's my way of being in control...when I'm not in control. It's like if I already played it out in my head, and does happen, it won't hurt as bad because I already 'knew' it was going to happen. Some of this started as a result of the delivery and birth experience with Jack, and a little bit from my childhood and my ability to 'control' things so I could be prepared for hurt.
So, when my doctor told me that on Monday, June 15th I would be induced, being 5 days overdue...there was relief. I would meet our baby. We would welcome another child to our family and it would be a different birth delivery experience.
I chose to try for a VBAC as I was told that I was a very good candidate for it, knowing that I had already gone through two labors and it was because of Jack's dramatic drop in heart rate that caused the emergency c-section and me being put under general anesthesia. I wanted a different experience for me and for Chris. I wanted to be awake for this birth. I wanted to lock eyes with my baby when she entered the world. I desired a different experience than what happened at Jack's birth. And so...
We arrived at the hospital at 10am, contractions started strong at 12pm and to save a long story short...a little after 5:00pm I was finally ready to push this sweet girl into the world! The nurses that we had were amazing...and the same nurses we had for part of Jack's labor and also Luke's delivery! They watched me closely, knowing my experience with a dropped heart rate, and reassured me that me and the baby were going to do great. I know having them be present and help me through this new experience was totally orchestrated by God. At one point, I asked Jessica, "Do you think that I need to tell the room (assuming there would be a lot of people in the room) that if this baby comes out and we discover that the baby has Down syndrome that we should let everyone know that we are going to celebrate?" She said, "Ah, I think everyone knows you here and they know that we will all celebrate." :) Good, glad things have changed.
My doctor was not able to be there for the delivery but she gave me such confidence that this VBAC was going to go so well and I felt comfortable with the doctor that would be delivering our baby. Which...went SO VERY FAST!! PRAISE JESUS! After a few pushes with the nurses, the doctor came in, immediately realized she was close to making her appearance, and with one push, at 5:41pm, Taylor Elizabeth, weighing 7 lbs & 7oz, was placed on my chest and hearing her first cry will be something I never forget. Locking eyes with hers, touching her skin to mine, crying tears of joy. So very thankful. A new birth, a new life, a new experience.
After holding her in my arms and soaking in the first few moments of her life, Chris and I prayed over her as we did with each of the boys. Praying a prayer of thanksgiving for her life and offering her back to God as she is His first and asking for wisdom as we raise her for Him.
I could write so much more about this delivery but with having three small ones under the age of four...my window of time is limited...and blogging days will be few and far between for the next few weeks but there is oh so much to write about. Including...a recap of Jogging for Jack 2015 and the amazing people that came out to support Jack and his buddies! Along with Jack using the potty now and dominating it! Woop, woop! (Never underestimate ANYONE!) And Jack now being a big brother and so much more of our summer adventures...so stay tuned!
Here is our latest family picture...a family of FIVE! I am beyond grateful for God's blessings...the blessings of a new birth, new life, and a new experience.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.